About Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

About Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 350 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG National Office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.

What is PFLAG?

“PFLAG” is Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. We are a national support, education and advocacy organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people, their families, friends and allies. With 200,000 members and supporters, and local affiliates in more than 350 communities across the U.S. and abroad, PFLAG is the largest grassroots-based family organization of its kind. PFLAG is a non-profit organization and is not affiliated with any religious or political institutions.

What does PFLAG do?

PFLAG supports LGBT people, their families and friends locally and nationally by providing PFLAG chapter helplines, support group meetings and resources. PFLAG also educates families and communities on sexual orientation, gender identity and LGBT issues. Local PFLAG chapters educate their communities through a variety of projects while PFLAG National continues to provide fair and accurate information about LGBT people, their loved ones, and the unique challenges they face. PFLAG also advocates for equal rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people on local, state, and national levels.

What are PFLAG’s top priorities?

As an organization that believes that change happens on the grassroots level in local communities, it is PFLAG’s number one priority to support the work of local affiliates. We do this by providing affiliates with nationally produced resources and the guidance, time and expertise of our national staff. PFLAG’s top priorities also include working for safe schools for all students and working to build and support models of inclusion to make PFLAG and our work relevant for all diverse communities. PFLAG works to ensure equal civil rights and protections for LGBT people and works to help make faith communities more welcoming.

Where is PFLAG?

PFLAG’s National headquarters is located in downtown Washington, D.C. Here the staff of the PFLAG National Office work to support and facilitate the work of PFLAG’s affiliate network and to be a national family voice for the LGBT movement. PFLAG affiliates are located in all 50 states and abroad.

When was PFLAG started?

PFLAG’s first meeting was held in 1973. By 1979 PFLAG chapters had formed across the country. In 1981 PFLAG became the Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and in 1982 PFLAG became incorporated as a national organization.

Who are PFLAG’s members?

Our members come from all walks of life. We are straight, we are gay and we are bisexual. We are transgender. We are moms and dads, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, children and allies. We come from large cities and small towns. We live in rural areas. We are people of color. We come from all economic backgrounds. We come from all faith traditions. We are disabled. We are youth and we are elderly. Our membership and our leadership are diverse, but what we have in common is our commitment to grow beyond false and harmful perceptions of LGBT people, to educate our communities, and to stand up for full equal rights and protections for LGBT people.

How can I get involved in PFLAG?

Everyone who shares PFLAG’s vision is welcome to join us in our work. You can join PFLAG as a chapter member through your local affiliate or as an at-large member through our National Office. Your financial support makes PFLAG’s work possible. As a chapter member you can also become engaged in the vital work of providing support, education and advocacy in your community. Even if you’re not sure that you need PFLAG, remember that PFLAG NEEDS YOU!

PFLAG’s Vision, Mission and Strategic Goals

Our Vision. We, the parents, families and friends of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, celebrate diversity and envision a society that embraces everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Only with respect, dignity and equality for all will we reach our full potential as human beings, individually and collectively. PFLAG welcomes the participation and support of all who share in, and hope to realize this vision.

Our Mission. PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons, their families and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

Our Strategic Goals

One. Build the capacity of our organization at every level so that we may have all the resources, in the form of information, people and funding, necessary to move forward in our work with the greatest possible effect.

Two. Create a world in which our young people may grow up and be educated with freedom from fear of violence, bullying and other forms of discrimination, regardless of their real or perceived gender identity or sexual orientation or that of their families.

Three. Make our vision and our message accessible to the broadest range of ethnic and cultural communities, ending the isolation of families with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender family members within those communities.

Four. Work toward full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons within their chosen communities of faith.

Five. Create a society in which all LGBT persons may openly and safely pursue the career path of their choice, and may be valued and encouraged to grow to their full potential in the workplace.

Six. Create a society in which all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender persons may enjoy, in every aspect of their lives, full civil and legal equality and may participate fully in all the rights, privileges and obligations of full citizenship in this country.

We welcome the participation and support of all who share in our Vision and Mission and who hope to realize our goals.

PFLAG’s History

HISTORY SNAPSHOT. The idea for PFLAG began in 1972 when Jeanne Manford marched with her gay son in New York’s Pride Day parade. After many gay and lesbian people ran up to Jeanne during the parade and begged her to talk to their parents, she decided to begin a support group. The first formal meeting took place in March 1973 at a local church. Approximately 20 people attended.

In the next years, through word of mouth and community need, similar groups sprang up around the country, offering “safe havens” and mutual support for parents with gay and lesbian children. Following the 1979 National March for Gay and Lesbian Rights, representatives from these groups met for the first time in Washington, DC.

By 1980, PFLAG, then known as Parents FLAG, began to distribute information to educational institutions and communities of faith nationwide, establishing itself as a source of information for the general public.  When “Dear Abby” mentioned PFLAG in one of her advice columns, we received more than 7,000 letters requesting information. In 1981, members decided to launch a national organization. The first PFLAG office was established in Los Angeles under founding president Adele Starr.

In 1982, the Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc., then representing some 20 groups, was incorporated in California and granted non-profit, tax-exempt status. In 1987, PFLAG relocated to Denver, under President Ellinor Lewallen. Also in the 1980’s, PFLAG became involved in opposing Anita Bryant’s anti-gay crusade and worked to end the U.S. military’s efforts to discharge lesbians—more than a decade before military issues came to the forefront of the GLBT movement.  And by the late 1980’s, PFLAG began to have notable success in organizing chapters in rural communities.

In 1990, following a period of significant growth, PFLAG employed an Executive Director, expanded its staff, and moved to Washington, DC. Also in 1990, PFLAG President Paulette Goodman sent a letter to Barbara Bush asking for Mrs. Bush’s support. The first lady’s personal reply stated, “I firmly believe that we cannot tolerate discrimination against any individuals or groups in our country.  Such treatment always brings with it pain and perpetuates intolerance.”  Inadvertently given to the Associated Press, her comments caused a political maelstrom and were perhaps the first gay-positive comments to come from the White House.

In the early 1990s, PFLAG chapters in Massachusetts helped pass the first Safe Schools legislation in the country. In 1993, PFLAG added the word “Families” to the name, and added bisexual people to its mission and work. By the mid-1990s a PFLAG family was responsible for the Department of Education’s ruling that Title 9 also protected gay and lesbian students from harassment based on sexual orientation. PFLAG put the Religious Right on the defensive, when Pat Robertson threatened to sue any station that carried the Project Open Mind advertisements. The resulting media coverage drew national attention to our message linking hate speech with hate crimes and GLBT teen suicide. In 1998, PFLAG added transgender people to its mission.

At the turn of the century, PFLAG began to develop nationally coordinated programs in order to better focus the grassroots network.  Programs like Safe Schools for All, the Scholarship Program, the Diversity Network, Bringing the Message Home, and Welcoming Faith Communities are already showing results.

PFLAG’s Policy Statements

Inclusion in Legislation
Long experience has shown that it is exceedingly difficult to broaden the scope of civil rights legislation to expand the protections provided for additional classes of persons, such as transgender, once those laws are in place.  This means that any proposed legislation, however progressive and desirable, which does not include all the classes of persons in our mission statement and for whom we advocate will result in the exclusion of those persons from the benefits of such legislation for years to come, if not permanently.

The Board of Directors of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays has, therefore, adopted the following policy:

PFLAG can only support legislation that provides explicit inclusion of all who are included in our mission statement.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on September 27, 2002 and revised on October 18, 2003.)

Intersex
At least one in 2000 children is born with atypical sex development, which may or may not be visible as atypical external genital anatomy. Intersex is the common term for these conditions but some prefer another term, “disorders of sex development” or DSD. An older term, not currently used, is ‘hermaphroditism.’ In our culture, sexual variation, which blurs the line between male and female, is stigmatized. The presence of a genital anomaly often elicits feelings of guilt and shame in the new parents which they, and society, then transmit to the child. PFLAG supports efforts to end the secrecy and the medically unnecessary genital surgery experienced by some persons with atypical sex development. PFLAG welcomes the efforts of medical organizations, support groups, and others, working toward this end. PFLAG urges the entire health care community to establish and adopt a patient-centered treatment protocol under which patients and families are treated with the utmost sensitivity. Full and accurate information should be disclosed to parents of newborns with atypical sexual anatomy, and appropriate referrals, including support groups both for parents and persons affected by atypical sex development, should be provided.

PFLAG encourages its members to be sensitive to the needs of persons with atypical sex development, and their families, as they address societal issues and biases which contribute to their shame, guilt, and isolation. PFLAG welcomes persons with atypical sex development and their families as fully participating members.
(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on September 27, 2002 and revised on May 3, 2009.)

Hate Crimes
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) supports federal, state and local laws that address the increasing and deadly hate crimes against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people. Crimes against GLBT people have been on the rise for the last several years[i], and these crimes hurt not only our GLBT loved ones, but us, their parents, families and friends. We recognize that violence against GLBT people is rooted in a climate of hate that also impacts people of color, youth, women, religious minorities, people with disabilities and others.

Hate crimes are simply not like any other kind of crime:
– Hate Crimes are Message Crimes. Anti-GLBT hate violence, like all bias crime, damages individuals, families, groups and our communities generally. Perpetrators of anti-GLBT violence send a clear message to GLBT people, those perceived to be GLBT, or those who support them, that they are unwelcome and unsafe in a particular community.
– Most Hate Crimes are Committed by “Average People.” Perpetrators are typically not extremists, but otherwise law-abiding people who disdain those who are different or fear those differences. Research suggests that anti-GLBT hate crime perpetrators perceive gay bashing to be socially sanctioned and therefore acceptable behavior.[ii]
– Anti-GLBT Hate Crime, Like Other Bias Crime, Is Preventable. According to the American Psychological Association, “hate crimes are not necessarily random, uncontrollable, or inevitable occurrences,” and “there is overwhelming evidence that society can intervene to reduce or prevent many forms of violence, especially among young people, including the hate-induced violence that threatens and intimidates entire categories of people.” [iii]
Public policy that addresses these crimes is not only necessary, but sends a strong public message that violence targeted at GLBT people is wrong. PFLAG appeals to our elected and appointed officials to take a firm stand against hate crimes and to pass legislation that recognizes the serious impact of anti-GLBT violence on our communities nationwide. Our society distinguishes between crimes targeted at specific communities from other acts of violence by increasing penalties for violence against churches, synagogues, children or law enforcement officials. This is done not to diminish the significance of non-bias crime, but to express our national values to protect those at risk.

PFLAG strongly advocates hate crimes legislation that emphasizes community education and prevention and assistance for local law enforcement. It is imperative that our society has the tools and information to break the cycle of violence against GLBT people, and heal their communities if an anti-GLBT violent attack has occurred.

The victims and their families are devastated physically and emotionally after an attack, and, many times, suffer again because of insenstive law enforcement and judicial systems. PFLAG offers support, encouragement and assistance to families as they deal with their grief and the legal process. Law enforcement and the judicial system must value the needs and concerns of the survivors and their families and acknowledge the real and serious nature of these crimes.

[i] Hate Crimes Statistics, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2000.

[ii] Gary David Comstock, Violence Against Lesbians and Gay Men (New York Columbia University Press, 1991).

[iii] Hate Crimes Today: A Age-Old Foe in Modern Dress, American Psychological Association, 1998.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on July 23, 2001.)

Equality in the Workplace
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) supports equal employment practices and employee benefits for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people. Employment non-discrimination policies acknowledge the value of all employees and create a safe and positive workplace environment for all. Such practices recognize the dignity of every person to have equal opportunities to work, and affirm the right of each person to participate equally.

Increasingly, public and private employers are implementing and benefiting from fair workplace practices, including same-sex partner health benefits, retirement benefits, and family medical leave. PFLAG calls upon all employers to implement such measures. Equal benefits allow all employees to enjoy a safer and more diverse workplace, and many talented workers are attracted to an environment in which all people are treated fairly. Customers appreciate companies that are fair to their workers, and many businesses have found that ensuring equal rights is good business.

PFLAG supports federal, state and local employment non-discrimination laws that include sexual orientation and gender identity. It is the responsibility of our elected officials to take a stand against discrimination and protect those who are at risk in our country’s workplaces.

PFLAG supports the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), but strongly favors the addition of “gender identity” in such legislation. Many employees are discriminated against because of their gender presentation in the workplace, not necessarily their sexual orientation. Any and all discrimination is immoral and unconscionable, and we look to our elected officials to set the example and the law so all people are treated with dignity and opportunity.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on July 23, 2001. This policy statement supersedes the PFLAG policy statement “Employment Non-Discrimination Act” of May 22, 1994.)

Safe and Welcoming Schools

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) supports and endorses efforts by public and private elementary and secondary schools to create a safe and welcoming environment for all students and school personnel. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) students, children of GLBT parents, or students who are perceived to be GLBT frequently endure verbal and physical harassment in their schools. Responsible school safety efforts must be directed to end this harassment.

As youth are recognizing their homosexuality, bisexuality or gender variance at younger ages than ever before, school administrators and personnel must address the needs and concerns of these students. They are at higher risks for social isolation, depression, drop-out and suicide. They may be isolated from their faith, family and/or friends, and they are most likely the target of harassment or violence from their classmates or teachers. Without school programs and resources to address their needs, GLBT students are abandoned by the educational system responsible for guiding and supporting all students.

This issue impacts any student who may challenge our society’s assumptions of what it means to be a boy or girl. Effeminate boys or masculine girls who may or may not be gay are targeted for harassment. Transgender students face not only teasing, harassment or violence; they also are challenged by the lack of gender non-specific resources, such as restrooms, locker rooms, uniforms, or athletic teams.

PFLAG strongly advises School Boards, school administrators, faculty and support staff to adopt and implement school policy and practices that create a healthy, open and safe environment for all students respecting differences in sexual orientation or gender identity. PFLAG’s national safe schools campaign, “From Our House to the School House: A Recipe for Safe Schools,” has given many schools nationwide the tools to create a welcoming learning environment:

• Inclusive, age-appropriate and comprehensive curriculum that addresses sexual orientation and gender identity,
• Anti-discrimination and anti-harassment policies that are fairly enforced,
• Positive library resources that address sexual orientation and gender identity,
• In-service trainings that address sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ethnicity and class bias
• Gay-straight alliances or gay-positive student-led groups,
• Opportunities for parents and families to participate, and
• Accommodations for transgender students.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on July 23, 2001.)

Marriage Equality

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) believes that families and society benefit when all committed couples are able to legalize their relationships through civil marriage. PFLAG supports freedom to marry for same sex couples throughout the United States and the world.

(Adopted by the Board of Directors, January 17, 2000. Revised November 4, 2011.)

Treatment to Alter Sexual Orientation or So-called “Reparative or Conversion Therapies”

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) joins the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association and the American Medical Association in rejecting efforts by professional and religious groups to change anyone’s sexual orientation. We believe such efforts are harmful to the emotional and mental health of the targeted individuals. These attempts originate from cultural bias based on myth, misperception and misunderstanding. We encourage all professional, educational and religious organizations to work toward changing these cultural biases rather than embarking on futile and damaging efforts to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

Family Values
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) defines a family as two or more people who share resources, responsibility for decisions, values and goals with commitments to one another over a period of time, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity. The family is the unit that one comes home to, regardless of blood, adoption, marriage or other formalities. PFLAG rejects any concept of traditional family values that excludes our lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) loved ones. We support marriage equality for same-sex couples and recognize the value of all families.

(Adopted by the Board of Directors July 17, 2000; Revised November 4, 2011.)

(Adopted by the Board of Directors, January 17, 2000 and revised November 4, 2011.)

Boy Scouts of America

Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), an organization dedicated to the support of families, deplores the Boy Scouts of America’s practice of excluding gay youth, leaders and volunteers from its program and services. We condemn any policy that would not allow gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered individuals to fully participate at all levels in any activity within scouting.

PFLAG asserts that one’s sexual orientation and gender identity are separate from one’s moral values and actions. The negative stereotypes and attitudes engendered by the Boy Scouts of America’s exclusionary practice are detrimental to all youth and society as a whole, causing further alienation and lowered self esteem among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered (GLBT) youth. The injury caused by this discrimination and these attitudes violates the tradition of the Boy Scout’s values of honesty, friendliness, kindness and fair play.

PFLAG calls upon Boy Scouts of America to end its discrimination and to adopt non-discrimination policies which include GLBT youth, volunteers, and leaders.

We condemn the use of public funds by private groups that discriminate and call upon public facilities to cease their support of Boy Scouts of America until such non-discrimination policies are adopted.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on July 17, 2000 with revisions approved on October 6, 2001.)

Sexual Expliotation of Youth

Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc. (PFLAG) strongly condemns the sexual exploitation of children by any individual, group, or organization, in any form and under any circumstance.

PFLAG and its chapters will not participate in any activity, event, or coalition with any organization that sexually exploits minors.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors in February 1997; Revised November 4, 2011).

Parenting

A person’s legal right to parent should not be restricted on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation.

Parenting issues include, but are not limited to: child custody, visitation, access to fertility services, foster care, and adoption.

(Adopted by the PFLAG Board of Directors on February 12, 1995, with revisions approved on January 15.)

Relationships with Faith Communities

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and its affiliates are non-sectarian, non-denominational, and not affiliated with any religious institution. Meetings, however, are often held in places of worship. All attendees at PFLAG meetings must understand that PFLAG is independent from all faith communities. Thus, PFLAG affirms:

• The importance of freedom of expressions of spiritual beliefs, religious affiliations, as well as freedom from such beliefs for all persons;
• The complete independence of PFLAG from organizational ties to any religious institution, church, synagogue, temple or other place of worship or community of faith;
• That a choice to meet in a place of worship does not in any way reflect, or imply, the promotion of any particular religion;
• That the location of PFLAG meeting space in no way implies membership in any religious institution nor exclusion of any individuals regardless of their spiritual choices or affiliations;
• That we seek affirmation, support, and full participation at all levels within religions for all LGBT individuals;
• That if, at any time, an affiliate is found to be in violation of this PFLAG policy, affiliate status may be withdrawn or denied.

We recognize and appreciate the hospitality extended to PFLAG by individual faith communities in the form of meeting space, announcements, sponsorship by social justice committees and similar support free of institutional requirements.

(This replaces two similar policies. Adopted by the Board of Directors, July 24, 2011)

Legalized Discrimination

Legalized discrimination exists in the forms of:

• Federal and state laws and amendments that prevent same sex couples from marrying, allows employers to fire or not hire people simply because they are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) and others that limit other freedoms that straight people take for granted
• Private organizations and clubs, such as religious groups and the Boy Scouts of America, which have the legal right to exclude LGBT from membership and employment.

Legalized discrimination not only limits the rights of LGBT people, but it also dehumanizes and stigmatizes an entire class of citizens. It increases the chances of violence to them and hurts family relationships. Even the perception of not being straight or being the friend of an LGBT person has exposed people to harassment and violence.

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) has and will continue to work to change legislation national and locally to end this discrimination. At this time, marriage and civil unions are legal in several states and domestic partnerships are allowed in some others. A Federal Hate Crimes Law was passed, and PFLAG continues to work for an end to job discrimination via the Employment Non Discrimination Act (ENDA). As bills are introduced in Congress, PFLAG will continue to lobby for the ones that will help to end discrimination in all of its forms.

Individual PFLAG members work against legalized discrimination in many ways such as:

• Lobbying their state representatives
• Writing letters to the editor and to their elected officials
• Speaking to local organizations
• Talking to their friends, family and acquaintances whenever possible about these issues

PFLAG is determined to end abusive policies and practices. We seek a just world in which all people receive understanding and equal acceptance and protection.

(Adopted 9/7/92; Rev 1/15/2001; Revised July 24, 2011)

Treatment to Alter Sexual Orientation or So-called “Reparative or Conversion Therapies”

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) joins the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Counseling Association and the American Medical Association in rejecting efforts by professional and religious groups to change anyone’s sexual orientation. We believe such efforts are harmful to the emotional and mental health of the targeted individuals. These attempts originate from cultural bias based on myth, misperception and misunderstanding. We encourage all professional, educational and religious organizations to work toward changing these cultural biases rather than embarking on futile and damaging efforts to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity.

(Adopted by the Board of Directors, January 17, 2000 and revised November 4, 2011.)

Human Sexuality

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) believe:

• Knowledge of human sexuality and an understanding of the human relationships which are important to the full development of the individual should be introduced to children in age-appropriate factual ways when they first start asking questions about this.
• Families, as primary caregivers, should reinforce the teachings as their children mature.
• Parents, to be effective teachers and role models, must clarify their own knowledge, beliefs, and value systems so that they are comfortable transmitting them to their children.
• An understanding of one’s sexuality can be enhanced through agencies outside the family including schools, religious institutions, youth groups, and health services. These are not to substitute for the family but rather to support parents in providing current information through other caring environments.
• A study of human sexuality is only complete and honest if it includes information about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT), asexual and straight people. Therefore, we urge parents to impart to children a non-judgmental understanding of all people’s sexual orientation, identity and expression.
• Since a significant number of our children are LGBT, adults should relate sensitively to young persons who are having difficulty understanding their sexuality. Parents of LGBT children should remember to reassure their children about their love for them.
• All children should be made aware of the health realities of sexual activity. They should be given realistic and useful guidance informing their choices with the intention of avoiding risky sexual behavior.
• LGBT people lead productive and meaningful lives, especially when their sexuality is accepted by their loved ones and friends. It is hoped and expected that as knowledge, acceptance, and understanding increase in society as a whole, LGBT people will be increasingly able to live openly in caring, committed, and loving relationships.

(Adopted by Board of Directors on June 29, 1987, revised July 24, 2011 and revised November 4, 2011)

*  The above information is adapted from materials provided by  Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)